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1 - AK
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Women with Children Vs. Women without
The last hour of today's show Taylor went more in depth about the war between women with children and women without.
She has talked about this topic on a surface level before, but today really dug into how much the divorce impacted her life trajectory. How hard it was going through the divorce, how she used to be "on track" to have a normal life, and now she was in a completely different place. She said "I want women to hear this, cuz it really hurts" and her voice basically cracked.
I feel like she finally got to the root of why it bothers her, and we got a glimpse of how she is feeling about where she is in life. I appreciate how vulnerable she got today, and I hope she feels secure in her decisions and can be happy about her new life trajectory.
- piopio12
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
glad you made a separate post about this....i have several things to say, but about to go have a lunch date with my neighbor so i'll have to come back and post it. But just quickly, you could really hear the pain in her voice and that made me really sad for her.
- Judgement_Twin
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
Agreed ladies. These moments are when Tay truly shines bright like a diamond! and keeps my attention because she can be so real and raw, it is her show after all, and I think most listeners appreciate this because many have been listening for years and in a way, we have experienced all these life moments with her!
I know she says she is worried about over sharing now and she's trying to find a way to talk about things without crossing a boundary, but if she could just do it like she does in these moments, I think she would be fine. No names dropped, none of this I have this friend who, just TALK about it.
Taylor's slogan is "uplifting women one self-deprecating story at a time" (or something along those lines) and I really feel as though she has lost her touch, but it shines through here and there and its like "THERES OUR GIRL" and then she stops because you can tell she is torn about what she just said, wants to say and shuts down. MISERY LOVES COMPANY. It's absolutely true and we can pretty much all relate to many of her experiences. I really hope in time she lets that guard down and just does Tay.
Regarding the issue of kids vs non-kids--I 10000000% can relate to how she feels. Babies DO change the way people live, but it shouldn't change who you are. And that sadly happens too often. Taylor is in a point in her life where it sounds like many of her friends are having babies and she is starting at square one--albeit a very fun square in NEW YORK CITY!!!--and she is obviously struggling with it and she has these bitchy "friends" speaking to her that way?? You know what I say to that Taylor? FUCK THEM! Do you girl.
- MyWife!
- pink princess
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
I haven't listened to the last hour yet. I can't wait to catch up now! I can also relate to this. Some women with kids ARE condescending to women without kids. Men can be this way too. I'm 34 years old and 6 months pregnant with my first child. So I lived quite a few years in Taylor's position. And now that I'm about to have a child, I seriously feel like I've been accepted into an elite "women with kids club." It makes me sad that I couldn't be a part of the club before. But let me tell you this, those women who are condescending will keep being condescending regardless of whether or not you have a child. That's just who they are by nature (in my opinion). My bottle feeding friends are already trying to make me feel guilty for choosing to try breastfeeding. It's never ending.
Ding da ding ding ding da ding da ding.
- piopio12
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The 2nd to last caller on this topic is the problem! She called and spoke negatively about childless women who run late or say they are tired, they just have no idea the REAL struggle. Then she shitted on stay at home moms saying they go get their nails done. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE FIGHTING EACH OTHER?!?! Like who wants to be friends with only people who are exactly like them? What kind of boring ass world do you want to live in? Why not expand and have different view points in your circle of trust?
Also, why is Taylor expected to go to a kid zone party? Like is that actually a thing? After the 1st birthday, maybe 2nd, i'm out. I'll come hangout at your house, but I don't want to go be with hoards of germy kids. My immune system isn't ready for that!
- piopio12
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
BathiesTime wrote:
...Like Taylor has said, I too have had the "you'll understand when you have kids" statement. Or the "you'll understand what having no sleep is when you have kids". I feel like I can never be my true self as far as a simple bitch fest about how tired I am, or how stressed my job has been making me because I feel like they're looking at me like none of that matters anymore...
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! I hate it when people think their problems are bigger or more important than yours, it's just different Being sleep deprived is being sleep deprived, it doesn't matter if your staying up with a baby or Taylor is wide awake thinking about how she's going to manage a post divorced life.
- red_poppies
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
i am loving this discussion ladies!!! As someone who does not want to have children, I totally get this My husband and I are choosing not to have children, but we love our friends' kids and our nieces and nephews... all the time I get people who judge me for not wanting to be a mom. They tend to make it an issue any time someone talks about parenthood or kids... "I know you wont care about this, but..." or "sorry you have to hear this...".
It's insulting that just because I have made the choice not to have my own children doesnt mean i hate all kids! lol
I also get a lot of "you're too cool to have kids..." and its a judgement that i hate... my husband and I's decision to not have kids has nothing to do with anyone besides us!
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- Wakeupfan420
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I also get a lot of "you're too cool to have kids..." and its a judgement that i hate... my husband and I's decision to not have kids has nothing to do with anyone besides us!
Red, you're my soul sista! When they give you the too cool line, just agree lol 😉
We also chose not to have kids. I've always known that I didn't want kids, luckily my hubs feels the same way. We've always made it very clear to our parents and everyone that this was what our decision was, and luckily they've been very respectful of it - so we don't get too much crap from anyone close to us. Plus we have 15 nieces and nephews (and to be honest, they kinda drive me nuts too!), So it's not like they don't have grandkids... I don't hate kids or anything, but I don't particularly like them either? The whole thing just doesn't interest me at all.
We have dogs - that is the judgement I get that infuriates me: "it's just a dog, it's not the same as a baby. You don't know that kind of love." To which I promptly reply, "You can kindly fuck off now." Lol. I'll never understand why some people are afraid of other people "coloring outside the lines". I don't get it. Like, everybody...just do you. ✌🏼️❤️🐶
“I don’t always stir the pot, sometimes I smoke it...” 🚬
- FKFriday
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I love this topic so much!!! As someone without kids who quite enjoys her life, I appreciate others that don't need to keep pointing out that I'm missing something huge.
I will say, the majority of my Mom friends are pretty real. They definitely share the full spectrum, not just the puppies & rainbows version.
- FKFriday
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
We have dogs - that is the judgement I get that infuriates me: "it's just a dog, it's not the same as a baby. You don't know that kind of love." To which I promptly reply, "You can kindly fuck off now." Lol. I'll never understand why some people are afraid of other people "coloring outside the lines". I don't get it. Like, everybody...just do you. ✌🏼️❤️🐶
My cat passed away 2 years ago and I was such a mess, I said to a friend I honestly don't know if I could ever have a child. The thought that there is worse loss then that is just horrible to me. I have never been such a wreck.
- BathiesTime
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I'll never understand why some people are afraid of other people "coloring outside the lines". I don't get it. Like, everybody...just do you. ✌🏼️❤️🐶
This! I agree. People are too interested in what decisions other's are making instead of living their own lives. I know that I am much more happy when I am blissfully unaware of what everyone else are doing and am using my energy on focusing on my own life.
Oh and red_poppies - Thank you for making autocorrect! I had was missing an "i" in decision and it corrected itself! What a relief!
- Kicked_off_the_trampoline
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I am so glad I'm not alone! I am married without kids and have never wanted them. I'm constantly being told how much I am missing out on. And I just can't do facebook anymore because nowadays it just feels like it is a forum for moms to discuss how WONDERFUL their lives are with kids and how they didn't know what love was until they had them. Basically it got to my head and made me question my decisions. Anyway just glad I'm not the only one.
- 7things
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Great topic! I haven't listened to the whole segment, but from reading this I'm also glad to know I'm not alone. Many women I know with kids can be so isolating and condescending, especially when I talk about my personal life and choice to not get married or have kids yet. This judgment comes up at the workplace, too. It's so obnxious and something I don't understand. I love these kinds of topics!
- meepmeep
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
With all the life coaching Taylor is having, it's a shame no coaches are teaching her that she is the only one responsible for her thoughts and feelings. I'm a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and don't think I'm better than anyone who chooses not to have kids. But I definitely relate more to my mom friends that have kids. I'm guessing Taylor was the odd one out during the convo with her friends and she made it out to be a negative experience in order to make herself feel better. If she had a friend that truly spoke like that, I'm guessing she spoke the same condescending way to Taylor before having kids. If so, why call this condescending person your friend? To the poster that said kids should not change who you are. These are the statements that cause parents to say "you just have no idea". Parents grow , just as children do. My life is no longer just about me and never will be again. I'm relied on much more. I look at the world a completely different way. And I can't even remember the last time I had my nails done.
- red_poppies
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
With all the life coaching Taylor is having, it's a shame no coaches are teaching her that she is the only one responsible for her thoughts and feelings. I'm a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and don't think I'm better than anyone who chooses not to have kids. But I definitely relate more to my mom friends that have kids. I'm guessing Taylor was the odd one out during the convo with her friends and she made it out to be a negative experience in order to make herself feel better. If she had a friend that truly spoke like that, I'm guessing she spoke the same condescending way to Taylor before having kids. If so, why call this condescending person your friend? To the poster that said kids should not change who you are. These are the statements that cause parents to say "you just have no idea". Parents grow , just as children do. My life is no longer just about me and never will be again. I'm relied on much more. I look at the world a completely different way. And I can't even remember the last time I had my nails done.
I have so many issues with your post. Sorry. Just drips in judgement. Just because someone has kids doesn't mean their lives are "only about them". That is the exact kind of statement that I was talking about. You can't assume because someone doesn't have children that they are selfish and getting their nails done! Yuck.
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- Kicked_off_the_trampoline
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With all the life coaching Taylor is having, it's a shame no coaches are teaching her that she is the only one responsible for her thoughts and feelings. I'm a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and don't think I'm better than anyone who chooses not to have kids. But I definitely relate more to my mom friends that have kids. I'm guessing Taylor was the odd one out during the convo with her friends and she made it out to be a negative experience in order to make herself feel better. If she had a friend that truly spoke like that, I'm guessing she spoke the same condescending way to Taylor before having kids. If so, why call this condescending person your friend? To the poster that said kids should not change who you are. These are the statements that cause parents to say "you just have no idea". Parents grow , just as children do. My life is no longer just about me and never will be again. I'm relied on much more. I look at the world a completely different way. And I can't even remember the last time I had my nails done.
I have so many issues with your post. Sorry. Just drips in judgement. Just because someone has kids doesn't mean their lives are "only about them". That is the exact kind of statement that I was talking about. You can't assume because someone doesn't have children that they are selfish and getting their nails done! Yuck.
I do too. I'm so tired of hearing about how selfless parents are and how much is demanded of them. I don't sit around doing nothing. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean my time isn't valuable too. Sure I don't have the responsibility that parents do, but there is more to my life than getting my nails done.
- Drumpet
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
I'm not married and don't have kids. I thought by now (growing up in the south where a lot get married young and have kids young) if be married and have kids. I've had serious relationships and have been close to getting married but I was afraid I was settling. Looking back I would've been. I put a lot of judgement on myself for a while. I "should-Ed" all over myself. My mom was married at 25 and had me at barely 28. Now being 28 and having the career that I want, i am content. Im in a relationship and we're happy. No pressure. (Might start another topic for people pressuring relationships... Ie "you've been together for xx years/months get married already!") I have both married and single friends. Those with kids, I see and love their kids. I've been told "you just don't know!" I don't. But that's my choice. My mom would, to this day, lay down her life for me and my brother. That's a love I don't know, yet. Unconditional. I respect mothers for that. I think that's what they mean when mothers say "it's not just about me anymore"'or
"He/she is my life." To the poster that said something about loving their dog so much they couldn't imagine a human child hurting, I feel you. My dog is my baby. One day I might find that silly but for now, that's my reality. Who is anyone to say you're tired/hurt/anxiety/stress isn't equal to mine? As a single woman working in a male dominant field, as a rape survivor, as someone who has ptsd, anxiety and all those fun things.... I am tired. Life is hard. It's hard on all of us. As women lets just stop RobertVerdiMom-Ing (one upping/"BUT MEEE") and agree that it's all fucking hard and we're all tired at some point.
- Lemondrop718
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
I also get a lot of "you're too cool to have kids..." and its a judgement that i hate... my husband and I's decision to not have kids has nothing to do with anyone besides us!
We have dogs - that is the judgement I get that infuriates me: "it's just a dog, it's not the same as a baby. You don't know that kind of love." To which I promptly reply, "You can kindly fuck off now." Lol. I'll never understand why some people are afraid of other people "coloring outside the lines". I don't get it. Like, everybody...just do you. ✌🏼️❤️🐶
I also hate the people say that "it's just a dog"! If you don't like dogs fine, but why does that person get to say whatever they want? I feel that my dogs are my babies and I may want kids one day, my point being that everyone's situation is different and you can't say how another person does or should feel. People that are judge mental and condescending about things like this are so obnoxious and out of line. I don't pass judgement on others, so Live your life and let me live mine. 🐶🐶
Havent listened to the segment yet 
- BathiesTime
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These are the statements that cause parents to say "you just have no idea". Parents grow , just as children do. My life is no longer just about me and never will be again. I'm relied on much more. I look at the world a completely different way. And I can't even remember the last time I had my nails done.
I understand that having children change you. Obviously. But I also understand that just as I keep my opinions to myself about how badly behaved my friends kids are, I expect them to keep their opinion to themselves regarding how they're busier and more tired than me. In all honesty, it just seems like a different kind of busy or a different kind of tired... not more than the other.
- meepmeep
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With all the life coaching Taylor is having, it's a shame no coaches are teaching her that she is the only one responsible for her thoughts and feelings. I'm a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and don't think I'm better than anyone who chooses not to have kids. But I definitely relate more to my mom friends that have kids. I'm guessing Taylor was the odd one out during the convo with her friends and she made it out to be a negative experience in order to make herself feel better. If she had a friend that truly spoke like that, I'm guessing she spoke the same condescending way to Taylor before having kids. If so, why call this condescending person your friend? To the poster that said kids should not change who you are. These are the statements that cause parents to say "you just have no idea". Parents grow , just as children do. My life is no longer just about me and never will be again. I'm relied on much more. I look at the world a completely different way. And I can't even remember the last time I had my nails done.
I have so many issues with your post. Sorry. Just drips in judgement. Just because someone has kids doesn't mean their lives are "only about them". That is the exact kind of statement that I was talking about. You can't assume because someone doesn't have children that they are selfish and getting their nails done! Yuck.
Where did I use the word selfish? You are not responsible for another persons life. It's not a judgement, but a fact. Sorry if you take that to mean you are selfish. The nail comment was in reference to the caller who said stay at home moms drop their kids off at school and go get their nails done.
- Getmommieouttathabox
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
I have two young kids. I'm a sahm (hopefully just for while they are young) but loved my career and working and exercising and we'll just about anything not involving kids. It's life changing. I tell all my friends thinking of having kids to really think about it. The impact is so much more than people with kids let on, good and bad, and that while I wouldn't change my decision it isn't for everyone just bc it is considered the norm and life without kids can and is nice. I actually got Sh!t from someone that chose not to have kids in life for saying that. Apparently it was insensitive. I'm not saying life without children is easy I'm just saying it can be real nice (as can life w them.)
- MyWife!
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I don't think Taylor was saying that life without kids is the same as life with kids. She knows there's an obvious difference. There's a reason why some women choose not to have kids - because it IS life changing! But it is also super hurtful when women with kids dismiss women without kids - like they don't get an opinion or they are lazy, self-indulgent people or they have all the time in the world and should be making all the effort. The examples she gave about her friends were very hurtful.
There's this couple in our life that has two kids. Every time we invite them out with our group of friends, they would try to make us feel guilty because we "don't know what it's like" to have to find a babysitter. Dude, just don't come out then. We only invited you so you don't feel left out. We know it's not easy to just go out whenever you feel like it. You don't have to be condescending towards us.
Ding da ding ding ding da ding da ding.
- MyWife!
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And to those of you with furry children, I totally get you! I don't tell people this for fear of being judged, but I feel like my dog has definitely helped prepare me to have this baby in 3 months. I have cleaned up more vomit, poo, and pee than I ever imagined I would. I have had to take her to the emergency vet in the middle of the night - more than once! Just two weeks ago, I had to drop everything and spend my Friday night at the vet with her. I also can't make plans after work unless I've made prior arrangements for someone else to take care of walking and feeding her. She gets yelled at and loved on just like she's my child. And I definitely talk to her in a baby voice - lol. I know she's not nearly as much effort as a child, but she still needs a ton of time and attention.
Ding da ding ding ding da ding da ding.
- MyWife!
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Oh, and my dog is expensive as hell. Geez, we've spent so much money on her for her health problems, her food, and her toys.
Ding da ding ding ding da ding da ding.
- Getmommieouttathabox
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
Heck then I recommend if they still feel the need just have one. They are more portable.
- FKFriday
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With all the life coaching Taylor is having, it's a shame no coaches are teaching her that she is the only one responsible for her thoughts and feelings. I'm a stay at home mom of a 2 year old and don't think I'm better than anyone who chooses not to have kids. But I definitely relate more to my mom friends that have kids. I'm guessing Taylor was the odd one out during the convo with her friends and she made it out to be a negative experience in order to make herself feel better. If she had a friend that truly spoke like that, I'm guessing she spoke the same condescending way to Taylor before having kids. If so, why call this condescending person your friend? To the poster that said kids should not change who you are. These are the statements that cause parents to say "you just have no idea". Parents grow , just as children do. My life is no longer just about me and never will be again. I'm relied on much more. I look at the world a completely different way. And I can't even remember the last time I had my nails done.
I have so many issues with your post. Sorry. Just drips in judgement. Just because someone has kids doesn't mean their lives are "only about them". That is the exact kind of statement that I was talking about. You can't assume because someone doesn't have children that they are selfish and getting their nails done! Yuck.
I think this is on the receiving end, not the giving. Same situation, no kids, happy with my life. I saw no judgement in this post though, just her life experience. She's not saying her choices are better (at least not that I'm taking away from the post), just different and how those choices have effected her outlook on life.
My cats are rescues. I don't look down on those who go to breeders for their pets, all I can offer though is my opinion on the rescue route. If someone takes that as me putting down their method, sorry, not the intention, that's how you are taking it,
- wintercici
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And to those of you with furry children, I totally get you! I don't tell people this for fear of being judged, but I feel like my dog has definitely helped prepare me to have this baby in 3 months. I have cleaned up more vomit, poo, and pee than I ever imagined I would. I have had to take her to the emergency vet in the middle of the night - more than once! Just two weeks ago, I had to drop everything and spend my Friday night at the vet with her. I also can't make plans after work unless I've made prior arrangements for someone else to take care of walking and feeding her. She gets yelled at and loved on just like she's my child. And I definitely talk to her in a baby voice - lol. I know she's not nearly as much effort as a child, but she still needs a ton of time and attention.
Agreed! I take better care of my dog than a lot of people take of their kids.
- WhosBecky?
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i agree no one should give anyone shit for life decisions...especially until you walk in their shoes!
Hence, I feel I have no right to give my friends with no kids any shit or expectations to give me a break because they really don't understand.
- red_poppies
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... I feel I have no right to give my friends with no kids any shit or expectations to give me a break because they really don't understand.
Love this! very well put!
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- FKCSmom
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Re: Women with Children Vs. Women without
I have a 2.5 year old and a 10 month old. Shit is real. Sleep deprivation is no joke. We are in the trenches night after night, month after month, year after year. Not sleeping is actually torture, a torture we willingly choose. Being a mom affects your physical and mental health, and puts a tremendous strain on your marriage and your relationships. Things as once simple as taking a relaxing shower, eating a meal, or getting to drive in the car alone become total luxuries. We were married without kids for years and I understand the pressure and judgement of not having kids, also. But just trying to give a little perspective from the "other" side.